Planning ahead
Planning your own funeral — or helping a parent or partner plan theirs — spares your family difficult guesswork and gives you time to compare options calmly.
Key points
- Planning ahead and paying ahead are separate. Writing down your wishes costs nothing.
- Tell your family where your plans and documents are — a plan nobody can find doesn't help.
- If you name someone to carry out your wishes, check whether your state allows a formal designation of a funeral agent.
A preplanning guide in six steps
- Decide what matters most to you — faith or cultural practices, a place for family to visit, cost, simplicity, environmental values.
- Choose burial, cremation or another option. Our burial vs. cremation guide helps you think it through.
- Describe the service you'd want — or that you'd prefer no service. Note music, readings, speakers, and anything you don't want.
- Compare providers. Ask funeral homes and cemeteries for price lists; see how to choose a funeral home.
- Decide how it will be paid for — savings, insurance, a payable-on-death account, or a preneed contract. Read prepaying for a funeral before signing anything.
- Write it down and share it with the person who will carry it out. Review it every few years or after major life changes.
Funeral wishes worksheet
Print this page or copy these prompts into a document. You don't need to answer every question.
| Burial, cremation or other | Preference, and where (cemetery, plot already owned, scattering location, niche) |
|---|---|
| Funeral home | Preferred provider, if any; any existing contract |
| Service | Funeral, memorial, celebration of life, graveside, private, or none; religious or secular; location |
| Viewing | Open casket, closed, private family only, or none |
| People | Officiant, speakers, readers, pallbearers, musicians |
| Music & readings | Songs, hymns, poems or passages |
| Personal touches | Clothing, items to display or bury with you, flowers, colors |
| Donations | Charities in lieu of flowers |
| Obituary | Details you want included or left out; a photo |
| Marker | Type and inscription |
| Veteran | Location of discharge papers; wishes about honors and national cemetery burial |
| Organ or body donation | Registry status or program registration |
| Budget and payment | Amount set aside and where |
| Who decides | The person you want to carry out these wishes |
The funeral planning checklist and memorial service planner can also help you record choices; print the results and keep them with this worksheet.
Documents to organize
- Will and any trust documents (and your attorney's contact)
- Preneed contract, cemetery deed, or burial insurance policy
- Life insurance policies and beneficiary information
- Military discharge papers (DD-214) — replacements can be requested from the National Archives
- Birth certificate, marriage or divorce records, Social Security information
- Health care directive and durable power of attorney (these apply while you're alive)
- A list of bank, retirement and online accounts, and where to find passwords
- Contact list of people to notify
Keep originals somewhere safe but accessible. A safe-deposit box may not be immediately accessible after death in every state, so make sure someone knows where copies are.
Talking to family about funeral wishes
- Pick a calm moment, not a holiday or crisis. A natural opening is updating a will or attending another funeral.
- Explain why: "I want to make this easier for you."
- Share the essentials and where your documents are; you don't need to cover every detail in one conversation.
- Listen. Family may have feelings about burial, cremation or faith practices. Wishes are easier to honor when they're understood.
- Helping a parent plan? Ask questions rather than making suggestions: "Have you thought about what you'd want?"
Prepaying
- Prepaying for a funeralPreneed contracts, insurance, POD accounts — and questions to ask
- Funeral CostsWhat funerals cost and what drives the price
- Funeral Cost CalculatorEstimate the cost of the plan you have in mind
Burial vs. cremation
- Burial vs Cremation GuideInteractive decision guide
- Cremation vs. burial costsHow the costs compare
- CremationCremation guide
- BurialBurial guide
Sources and references
- Federal Trade Commission: Planning Your Own Funeral
- Federal Trade Commission: Shopping for Funeral Services
- National Archives: Request military service records (DD-214)
Rules, benefit amounts and prices change. Where a source is a government agency, check it directly for current figures. See our sources and fact-checking policy.