After a loved one is cremated, you face an important decision about what to do with their ashes. Many families choose to keep these remains at home rather than scattering them or placing them in a cemetery. This choice can provide comfort during grief while keeping your loved one close.
Understanding your options and the practical considerations involved helps you make the right decision for your family. From legal requirements to storage choices, here’s what you need to know about keeping ashes at home.
Understanding Cremation
The cremation process transforms a body into ashes through intense heat. During cremation, temperatures reach between 1400 and 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. The actual process takes 2 to 3 hours, after which the remains cool for another 1 to 2 hours before being processed into the fine ash you receive.
The body, which contains 65 to 85 percent water by weight, is reduced to bone fragments through this high-heat process. These fragments are then ground into the powder-like substance commonly called ashes or cremated remains.
Once the process is complete, you’ll receive the ashes in a temporary container from the crematory. You can then transfer them to a permanent urn or keep them in the original container.
Legal Requirements and Regulations
Federal and State Laws
No federal law in the United States prohibits keeping cremated remains at home. Once cremation is complete, the ashes typically become the legal property of the person who arranged the cremation, usually the next of kin or someone designated in advance.
Cremated remains are not classified as hazardous material. You don’t need a license, registration, or special permit to store them in your private residence. You can also divide the ashes among family members or store portions in multiple containers like urns or memorial jewelry.
Local Considerations
While keeping ashes indoors faces few restrictions, burying them on private property requires checking local zoning laws. Some municipalities have specific rules about where human remains can be buried, even in ash form. Always verify regulations with your local health department before burying ashes in your yard.
If you plan to bury ashes on property you don’t own, you must obtain written permission from the landowner first. This requirement applies even if the property belongs to a family member.
Required Documentation
Before you can bring ashes home, certain paperwork must be completed. The cremation facility needs a signed death certificate from the attending physician and cremation authorization from the legal next of kin. Some states require a waiting period of 24 to 48 hours between death and cremation.
These documents protect all parties involved and ensure cremation proceeds with proper legal authority. Your funeral director or crematory will guide you through the required paperwork.
Cultural and Religious Perspectives
Different cultures and religions hold varying beliefs about cremation and storing ashes at home. Understanding these perspectives helps you make a decision that aligns with your values.
Religious Viewpoints
Some religious traditions fully support keeping ashes at home. Others have specific requirements about how cremated remains should be handled. For example, the Catholic Church permits cremation but prefers that ashes be buried or placed in a columbarium rather than scattered or kept at home indefinitely.
Buddhist traditions commonly accept cremation and may place ashes in temple columbariums where families can visit and perform memorial rituals. Hindu customs typically involve scattering ashes in sacred waters.
If religion plays a role in your decision, consult with your religious leader or spiritual advisor. They can explain specific traditions and help you understand options that respect both your beliefs and your desire to keep your loved one close.
Cultural Customs
Cultural backgrounds influence how families view keeping ashes at home. Some cultures see it as maintaining a spiritual connection with the deceased. Others prefer traditional burial or specific memorial practices.
Speaking with cultural advisors or community elders can provide valuable insight into practices that honor your heritage while meeting your personal needs.
Practical Storage Solutions
Choosing an Urn
Urns come in countless styles, materials, and price ranges. Traditional urns are made from materials like wood, metal, ceramic, or marble. Modern options include biodegradable materials, glass, or even artistic designs that reflect your loved one’s personality.
Standard urns hold approximately 200 cubic inches of ashes, which accommodates the cremated remains of most adults. Smaller keepsake urns hold just a portion of ashes, allowing you to divide remains among family members.
When selecting an urn, consider where you’ll display it and what style feels appropriate. Some families prefer understated designs, while others choose urns that celebrate their loved one’s hobbies or interests.
Creating a Memorial Space
Many people create a dedicated area in their home for displaying the urn. This space might include photographs, candles, flowers, or meaningful objects that belonged to the deceased.
Choose a stable surface away from high-traffic areas to reduce the risk of the urn being knocked over. A shelf, mantel, or dedicated table works well. Some families prefer keeping the urn in a bedroom or private space, while others display it in a main living area.
The location should feel meaningful to you while being practical for your household. There’s no right or wrong choice about where to keep ashes at home.
Safety Precautions
Handle urns with care, as cremated remains are delicate. Ensure the urn sits securely on a stable surface where it won’t be easily bumped or knocked over.
If you have young children, place the urn out of their reach and explain its significance in age-appropriate terms. Similarly, if you have pets, choose a location where curious animals can’t disturb the urn.
Check that the urn’s seal is secure, especially if you plan to move it or if it will be stored long term. Some urns have screw-top lids, while others use adhesive seals.
Maintenance and Care
Dust the urn regularly using a soft, dry cloth. Avoid harsh chemicals or abrasive cleaners that might damage the material. For metal urns, occasional polishing may be needed to maintain their appearance.
If the urn is made of wood, keep it away from direct sunlight and moisture to prevent warping or fading. Stone and ceramic urns are more durable but can still chip if handled roughly.
Periodically check the urn for any signs of damage, especially if it can be opened. This ensures the ashes remain secure and protected.
Moving With Ashes
If you relocate to a new home, transport the urn carefully. Wrap it in soft material like bubble wrap or towels to prevent damage during the move. Keep it with you rather than packing it with other household items.
When traveling with ashes, whether across the country or internationally, check regulations beforehand. Airlines typically allow cremated remains in carry-on luggage if they’re in a TSA-compliant container. Always bring a copy of the death certificate and cremation certificate when traveling with ashes.
Emotional Considerations
Finding Comfort in Proximity
Many people find deep comfort in keeping their loved one’s ashes at home. Having the remains nearby can create a sense of presence that aids the healing process. You might talk to the urn, place flowers near it, or simply feel comforted knowing your loved one is close.
This physical connection can be especially meaningful during difficult moments when you miss the person intensely. The urn serves as a tangible link to someone who has passed.
Supporting Your Grief Journey
Grief is a highly personal experience that unfolds differently for everyone. Keeping ashes at home can support your grieving process by providing a focal point for memories and emotions.
Some people find that having the ashes nearby helps them gradually accept the loss. Others appreciate the flexibility of not rushing into a permanent decision about final disposition.
Remember that grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right, and don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a professional therapist if needed.
Making Decisions as a Family
If multiple family members want to be involved in decisions about the ashes, open communication is essential. Some families choose to divide the ashes so each person can keep a portion. Keepsake urns make this possible, as they hold small amounts of cremated remains.
Discuss everyone’s feelings and preferences openly. If conflicts arise, consider mediation or family counseling to help reach a resolution that everyone can accept.
Alternative Options to Consider
While keeping ashes at home works for many families, other options exist if you later change your mind or want to honor your loved one differently.
Scattering Ashes
Scattering ashes in a meaningful location remains a popular choice. You might choose a place your loved one enjoyed, such as a favorite beach, mountain, or park.
Before scattering ashes, research local regulations carefully. Ocean scattering must occur at least three nautical miles from shore according to EPA regulations. You must also notify the EPA within 30 days of scattering.
For scattering on public land, contact the managing agency to learn about permits and restrictions. Private property requires written permission from the landowner.
National parks often allow ash scattering but have specific rules about where it can occur. Contact the park ranger’s office well in advance to understand requirements.
Cemetery Placement
Cemeteries offer several options for cremated remains. A columbarium is a structure specifically designed to hold cremation urns in individual compartments called niches. These structures may be located indoors or outdoors and provide a permanent, dedicated space for visitation.
Columbarium niches typically cost between $850 and $2,200, though prices vary based on location and design. Some niches are large enough to hold multiple urns, allowing couples or family members to rest together.
You can also bury ashes in a traditional cemetery plot. Some families add cremated remains to an existing grave where another family member is already buried. This option often appeals to those who want multiple generations together.
Green Burial Options
Interest in environmentally friendly disposition has grown significantly. Natural or green burial uses biodegradable materials and avoids embalming chemicals, allowing the body to return to the earth naturally.
For cremated remains, green burial involves using biodegradable urns and burying ashes in natural settings like forests or meadows. These sites often double as conservation areas, with burial fees supporting land preservation.
As of 2024, approximately 470 green burial cemeteries operate in the United States and Canada. While this number is growing, availability varies by region. Green burial costs typically range from $400 to $4,000, depending on location and specific services.
Making Your Decision
Choosing what to do with a loved one’s ashes is deeply personal. There’s no deadline for making this decision. Many families keep ashes at home temporarily while they consider long-term options.
You might keep the ashes at home permanently, or you may eventually scatter them or place them in a cemetery. Both choices honor your loved one’s memory in meaningful ways.
Consider what brings you the most comfort. Think about your loved one’s wishes if they expressed any preferences. Factor in practical considerations like whether you might move frequently or if other family members want to be involved.
Remember that you can change your mind. If you initially keep ashes at home but later decide on another option, that’s perfectly acceptable. The right choice is the one that provides you with peace and helps you honor your loved one’s memory in a way that feels meaningful to you.
